In a recent book of Nollywood’s Christian star, Juliana Olayode, she summed up the courage to tell the world that she is not a virgin. Before this time, Juliana, popularly known as Toyo-baby, had lied about her virginity status, wooing the praise and admiration of both believers and unbelievers and of course the envy and hatred of others. Although, she lied to campaign for sexual purity, she obviously fell into a trap – an unnecessary one. Thinking of the net in Pligrim’s progress? I bet you are.
Juliana has always been unapologetic about her faith and that is a thing to admire. I read a few of her blog posts before her confession and I liked them. But right now, she has won more of my admiration. Although this is a time for some to validate their secular philosophy of all-have-sinned-and-no-one-is-holier-than-me ideology, I think it’s a time to encourage her – though not without some serious reflections.
So I find myself reflecting on the themes of faith, virginity and falsehood.
Much Ado About Virginity
The subject of virginity has always been a hot one. It strikes a chord with people socially, culturally and spiritually. Not surprisingly, women are usually the subject, or even victim, of virginity talks becoming punching bags for men’s moral blows simply because of their anatomy.
Culturally, new wine seems to have been poured into an old wineskin and the tension has spawn up a very acceptable reactionary view. In the olden days, women are expected to keep themselves pure – even if the men sleep around. It was seen as the glory of the woman to keep herself for the right guy. Nowadays, not only are we not virgins because it’s believed to be almost practically impossible, we don’t even expect ourselves to be. Only in rare cases do people marry as virgins. The fancy of it has expired. I believe one of the reasons for the collapse of the cultural stand on virginity is the partiality of it – only the women are supposed to. As education and enlightenment touched the minds of the women, partiality gave way to equality. Let the man that has no sin look for sin in a woman!!!
In the Christian culture today, I see some confusion around the subject of virginity, some downplaying it while others make so much about it. I want to address these confusions below:
What does the bible say about virginity today
Scripture has always associated virginity with innocence and purity. In fact, a priest was to marry only virgins (Lev 21:13). Since the process of keeping oneself a virgin is the same process of maintaining sexual purity commanded all through Scripture, it is definitely a must. So, yes there should be much ado about virginity.
Why should I be a virgin today
As stated above, honour God with your body and keep yourself from sexual impurity. The result is virginity. Remember God will always reward our faithfulness. I also believe it will bring innumerable benefits to your home because you will honour your husband/wife with your body. It does not matter if the other party is not a virgin.
What if I’m not yet married but no more a virgin, can I be a ‘virgin for Jesus’?
Here is where we get it wrong.
The Bible never said only virgins served God or will continue to serve God – remember Rahab etc. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. All Christians have been justified and redeemed by grace alone. God forgives sins before and after our salvation when we repent. Even though the sin of fornication is a sui generis (distinguished) sin, it is not stronger than the blood of Jesus.
If by being a virgin for Jesus, you simply mean that you have repented of your sexual impurity, great. If it also refers to the church of Christ, great. But if it means anything more, it’s self-denial and hypocrisy. Don’t split the sum-total of virtue inside those nine-lettered word – virginity. That you are not a virgin does not mean you have no virtues; that you’re not a virgin does not mean that you cannot speak against sexual impurity. If you are saved, it means you have committed a terrible sin of sexual immorality, at least once, but it also means that you have repented and have been eternally forgiven and justified by the One who shed His blood for you. If you must wear a T-Shirt, you should rather wear a T-Shirt that says “Disvirgined but Redeemed” than “I am a Virgin” if you are not. That could be the beginning of a lie.
The thing is there will always be a feeling of false hypocrisy, when we speak against the things we used to do but do no more. It will be as though you are not fit to talk against it. Except you are still practising the sin, such feelings are from Satan.
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them – Eph 5.11
On the other hand, there will always be a scar – at least the sorrow of losing it, but that does not affect our justified state before the Lord. What is worse is to begin to envy other believers who are still virgins and to attempt to reduce the weight of virginity just to appease your conscience or glorify your flesh.
Another important point to note is that the struggle to be a virgin is, in fact, a struggle against sin and this struggle is not limited to sexual immorality neither does it end after marriage. Satan will always change the content of our temptation to match our new situation. The temptation or struggle to be virgins is solely for the unmarried or teenagers but it is not final. I am sure that there will be some who married as virgins but defiled the marriage bed thereafter or did not finish well as Christians. So let him that think he stands take heed lest he falls.
Are We Victims or Culprits of Sins
Let me drop this line about sin and round up. Sin likes to cover up.
Paul Washer said that when talking about our stories, it is easier for us to present ourselves as victims of the sin instead of culprits. That is so true. “I did not want to do it, but this man or woman or situation lured me”. Sounds familiar? That was the same thing Adam said when confronted with his sins. “It was the woman you gave me” he said.
So many stories you find in the press today, everybody shifting blames on pastors, governments, parents or even rise in dollar. Not all is the result of gunpoint threat or manipulations. Many things have always been the desire of our hearts and one day, someone or something made us express that desire.
May God search our hearts and root out unpleasing ways. Amen
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